maudlin



Reading the NY Times on Sunday, I came across a chart that helped me to view one of the many roles I am playing in the world today. It was a chart & article about unemployment: percentages of folks who were let go without notice, percentage of folks with financial security (or usually lack thereof) and percentage of folks who are depressed/frustrated/lonely/afraid due to their current circumstances.

As it stands, I have a great many things to be thankful and so very happy for. In the one category (we'll call this environmental/social), I've got the health of my beautiful family, the employment of my DH, the lovely roof over my head and the beautiful and useful things in it. On the other hand, however, and we'll call this the mental category, I am ever so doubtful that I will do good things in the wide world again. I was and always have been so well defined by my work. I love, love, loved what I was doing and I was really very good at it. I enjoyed the location, I enjoyed the people and I didn't loathe the sacrifices to the rest of my life.

Somehow, very suddenly this spring, all of that got whisked away from me and I'm still feeling so adrift in ways I never imagined. I am not sure where to put all the things related to the transition and in many ways have been able to avoid dealing with it over the summer. Now, we're back in a season of school and that means that I must very delicately balance the environmental & social health of myself and my family with my own mental health.

When you are plucked from your comfort zone, with no say in any of the details attending to it, how does one figure out what is next? Where does my guidance come from? What do I stand for now? All of these questions are very exciting, as remaking oneself often can be. But when you didn't choose to undertake this remaking and were quite happy where you were, how do you become the person you are now supposed to be? Have you ever felt this way before? Unguided? Misguided? Needing direction? How did you figure it out? What would you recommend?

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