where’s the map?

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Rumblings going on over here at 2066 and not of the earth shaking kind.
Wondering where to go for the new "me". And, yes, before I diverge into
a post all about me, I will acknowledge the fact that this *is* a blog
about our family. And yet right now, I think I'm the main post-er, so
I'm going to go ahead and crash the blog and try to sort some things
out. Perhaps you'll join in and offer some suggestions~this will be
truly helpful for me, as all of this is so much new.
I think that
the trouble I have is too many ideas and choices about what to do with
the place that I am right now, and suddenly~stay at home mama, doing a
really good job of errands, taking care of baby, getting dinner on the
table and the house cleaned.
But then I see the fancy folks going
to work as we drive big sister to the bus and I wonder, will that ever
be me again? Do I want it to be me again? How? Baking, sewing, art,
books and computers are all ways that I define myself. And yet I am
also incoherently impatient. I need the new me to burst out of my
cocoon today and be a beautiful butterfly, knowing exactly what flower
to drink from and which path to travel.
And yet I'm also very
content with the day to day of cleaning, baking, cooking and, well,
cleaning. There does get to be some recreation in that but I am pretty
good at letting a bit of time go by during the day and not have a whole
lot of things crossed off my to do list. Which is exactly what I was
doing at work, it just seems that there was more definition to my work.
That by exiting the house by 7:30am each day, I was contributing to the
greater greater good in magnificent ways. Perhaps by staying home I'm
contributing to the family good and that is enough. And perhaps I need
to stay in my cocoon a little bit longer and listen to the wise world
around me a bit longer. Then the flowers will beckon, the path will be
lit and I'll set out on my way. I'll see you there. Though it may well
yet be a while. xo

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