saturday nights at home

ah, the lure of saturday night. so many opportunities, so many meanings and for each of us, a different one, perhaps. two minds might intersect and find dinner out on their saturday night. one mind might go to a movie alone. many minds might get together and whoop it up, for whatever reason, or none at all.
me, i stay with lucy. this is fine on most nights. dinner, dishes, quiet time spent singing or drawing or just playing quietly alone, together. saturday night, though, brings a different tone to the evening. i spend my time, for the most part spinning my wheels, hoping that no one will discover (i suppose this lets the proverbial cat out of the bag) that i am at home with my daughter. just the two of us. there can be joy here, but it is slim and not forthcoming. it lurks around the corner, with the dust bunnies waiting to be swept and the songs wanting to be sung. the night wants to dance us around the living room, but more often than not finds me hollering about pants that have just been peed in and the subsequent downing of a beer i didn’t really want.

i guess the question then comes down to how did i get here, but a quick trip down that street reveals all the truth and hard work and desire so quickly i tend not to even go there anymore. no, i know how i got here, i just didn’t know. i didn’t know that i’d be so happy for the little voice beside me, asking me please to move her boat (a very small wooden box) out of the water (to a different place on the floor). and yet in the same flickering heartbeat/breath/sound be so wanting to dance a wild dance, all night and just not come home until i damn well wanted to.

so, i will get those dust bunnies and dance a different dance this saturday night. i will be gloriously happy about this, in the looking back, in the photographs of my mind. i will be thrilled to lay this little bear down to sleep her dreamy dreams and then close the door, dash to my room and dance to my music really really loudly. happy, for a few minutes, to have a saturday night moment, as i can only imagine so many of you are out there doing. i know, truly, though, that you are most often at home on the saturday version of your week, but i’m not going to think about that this moment, i’ve got dust bunnies calling my name.


One thought on “saturday nights at home

  1. Hi Anie! I love this post so much! Mostly because you described my Saturdays so well.
    I can’t believe how big lucy is! I look at Miles and see that he’s 3 but I still expect Lucy to be a teeny tiny newborn!
    I’m glad to be here reading you!

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