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“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half. And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
-This amazing bit comes from Tina Fey, whom I am LOVING as part of my decadent month of viewing past episodes of 30 Rock. I am waiting, not so patiently for her new book, Bossypants, to show up on my library holds list. Maybe that will be my mother’s day gift!
Happy Mother’s day!!
Aren’t they the cutest? The eggs themselves weren’t for sale, just there to advertise the cute egg holder ($16). We have one of those already, and so I decided for Easter and spring, to try our hand at some of our own eggs~
Anthropologie inspired, but ours, all original! This was great fun, we each made a couple and dated them~some are even “inspired” by members of our family~I’ll let those of you who know us figure out which ones those are. Good fun!
We are trying a few new things this year for Easter! One of them is decoupage eggs, via Say yes to Hoboken. I found this was easy but time consuming. The directions over at SYTH are pretty thorough, but I would add:
*I simply cracked the eggs in two and yet tried to keep the two pieces of each egg attached~otherwise you are going to play a simple-but-time-consuming-while-trying-to-get-these-finished-before-the-girls-wake-up game of “Matching”. This gives you more space in which to put the candies into
*Cut your tissue paper into strips and pretend you are bandaging the egg together. If you are of the two handed sort, like me, employ your paintbrush dipped in glue to assist with the grabbing and attaching of the strips.
*I used glue mixed with water for my eggs.
I’ll wait to see how well these go over tomorrow before I commit to doing them again, but they were fun to try!
It’s all over the news these days~if you want the long, very informative version, go <a href="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dBnniua6-oM” target=”_blank”>here. Robert Lustig, MD gives a great talk entitled Sugar: The bitter truth. Other than talking about sugar, hormones and calories, he states that A calorie is NOT a calorie. I found that in itself very interesting~a fat calorie is not equal to a carbohydrate calorie and so on.
Listen to learn more~it is very enlightening! If you have the time, there are great (!) photos and diagrams to go along with the talk, providing more in depth information.
If after that you are seeking more information, there was a great conversation on the NPR Program Forum on April 21, 2011. In it, Michael Krasny interviews Dr. Lustig and talks more about sugar, types of sugar, calories and much, much more. Find that interview here.